Toph's Bad Hair Day
by OriginalWriting
Summary: It's the day after Toph's seventeenth birthday...and nothing is going right! Random Chaos ensues! (just a fun story...)
1. Chapter 1

Toph's Bad Hair Day.

She awoke with a pounding in her head and a sour ache in her belly, wafting in the scent of stale wine. Her feet kicked against a sheet-less mattress, sending an empty bottle to its doom .Yet even as the first sun shone in through the slatted windows, she stretched and rose from her stupor in utter darkness. She was the Melon Lord of Earth and Metal, and nothing would ever hold her down! With a resounding thump two feet landed, one on the stone floor, the other on a "SQUEAK!"

"Oops. Didn't see you there." The girl whimpered and curled into a ball, smelling of wine.

Toph Bei Fong shook her shoulders , ignoring the effects of her 17th birthday. Her sixteenth birthday had been fun and wonderful. Old friends had gathered at Ba Sing Se to wish her well. She had cake and presents, and they all had a good time with a birthday dinner and staying up late afterward. Yesterday was not what you'd expect for a teenage girl's birthday. Then again, Toph was no simple teenager.

She walked over to the water basin and began washing her face. Last night, she had celebrated with a trio of gals she had just met, who'd rather bask in the company of Toph than play it safe in a city full of workers and soldiers. However, five hours and a baron's ransom in sweets and wine later, the girls had rock bottomed. Poor Toph, she had to finish off the wine and chocolate all by herself! She chuckled at the irony.

Five years ago she was hailed as the heroic earth-bender who had helped Avatar Aang defeat the fire lord, putting an end to the hundred-year war. Then again, five years ago she was literally a child. The years had passed, and while Aang went about avatar business as Zuko worked to calm the Fire Nation armies, Toph had taken up wandering. She had literally invented metal bending, and didn't want to teach just anybody. She wanted to gather the best minds in the land, earth-benders who thought and lived as she wished to. Yet not everything goes according to plan. Recently, scattered remnants of Fire Nation forces sought to carve their own destiny, and did not obey the call of Zuko. That's why she was here, in Harbor Town, awaiting the chance to march alongside Zuko. Or at worst, take a beachhead with him. Toph wasn't the slightest bit a soldier, but her fighting skill was unmatched. She turned down the chance to lead an Earth Kingdom unit so she could fight freely, no burdens upon her. Now, Toph the metal-fisted waited in a border city, waiting for the ship to load up and set sail.

Toph set out a few empty basins for the girls and then grabbed a quick bath, ignoring the whining that drifted in from the other room. As she soaked her hair the sound was muffled underwater, but she'd rather have their complaints and possible vomiting on low volume. Once she dried off and dressed, Toph took the morning ritual of fixing her hair. The massive bun and hairband took more practice to pull off than it looked. She had done this a thousand times, never missing a step in her life. However there is a first time for all things, and this morning, nothing was cooperating. The bangs didn't come out right, so she re-adjusted that. Doing so loosened the bun. She retried the bun part, and the sides splayed out everywhere. The hairpiece went crooked once everything else fell into place. She unwrapped the entire affair in a huff, reworking the entire style from the beginning. Little sprigs of hair stuck out in all directions. Fixing that only led to more chaos, until Toph felt her inner rage rising. She tried having patience, once, two, then three times, but after three re-works and a storm of small adjustments, she looked like she had asked Azula to do her hair that morning. Teeth gritted.

With a defiant yell, Toph tore out her hairband and flung it at the bathroom door, knocking it open and sending it bouncing into the other room. Another squeak, and then "don't throw things at me!" Toph stared at the blank wall. She couldn't see, but she felt every last hair as they dangled in a great shaggy cloud, a massive, black lion-bear's mane that spread past her shoulders.

She walked out the doors of the Jang Wu tavern and into the streets, glaring all the way. If someone had a comment, she wasn't listening. No one had laughed yet, but if anyone did she wanted to earth-a-pult them skyward. Anyone who compared her to the former Fire Princess would be dead. Toph was hungry and simmering with angst. She wandered up to the nearest food vendor and threw down two gold yuan. "Two bowls of your best stuff!" she said. Hopefully a good mood would come along later.

It didn't.

"Has somebody seen Toph lately?" That voice! Ty Zhan was a soldier she had met in Harbor Town. Tall and well built, he usually went bare-chested with heavy pants and boots. His red hair and scruffy goatee marked him out of a crowd to most. Toph knew him by his voice, his stomping boots, and that growling laugh of his. That, and he had no problem invading her bubble. Toph had yet to decide if she was going to challenge him to a death-duel or give in and go out with him. The fact he didn't recognize her from across the street raked her nerves. She was wearing the same clothes she always wore.

It was the hair.

"You must be blind!" She called out over a bowl of house-special noodles. Zhan swung about; his heart skipped a beat with surprise.

"Ah? That's your job, sweetie. I just didn't see past all that hair."

"Please, mention it again."

"Sure, it looks nice. I think messy fits you."

Toph wanted to castrate a mountain as an example to him. She set down the bowl and slid off her stool. Her hands became fists. "At least lazy doesn't fit me. I hear throwing a serious beat down on Fire-Nation rebels is a sport no self-respecting Earth Kingdom soldier would pass up. And I still plan on going!"

"Not wanting to serve under a Fire-prince isn't laziness." His retort had a hint of smile to it. He had no idea how serious she was.

"Change your mind any time. Red on Red is still a fight, and you still get to clobber suckers." Toph had her view, and she never backed down when the battle was good.

"Sorry if I feel like standing shoulder to shoulder with Green."

"Excuses, excuses." Toph found herself wanting a fight. "You wanna stay home with mommy, you can. I've got butts to kick and I'm not letting them stand a minute longer than they have to!" She turned heel and tossed another yuan at the vendor. "Sorry about the bowls, I'm taking these to go" she said, picking up a bowl in each hand. Zhan was in her ear as she turned.

"I can help you with that" he purred. Mixed emotions shot through Toph like lightning. Despite hormones and curiosity, she chose the path of control. Some say this path is also called 'Toph does what she wants.' She brought down a foot hard, launching a stone cobble into the air. Zhan pulled back to avoid a clean crotch shot, his warrior reflexes kicking in. The cobble hovered in the air where it had risen, Toph gently placing her unused bowl in its center. "Trust me, I have as many arms as I need." The ground under Zhan shifted. A normal man would have fallen squarely on his rump. He recovered enough to kneel and hold steady. Toph was simply walking away, the noodles slowly losing steam. Zhan checked her out as she left.

"Thank you for the gorgeous view!" he called out.

Toph stopped long enough to glare over her shoulders.

She finished her first bowl on her way outside the city main, the second bowl still airborne thanks to earth-bending. She felt the multiple patters of human feet pass her less and less, until only a few feet tread here and there. She missed the sunrise, but could smell the cool wind blow off the ocean, carrying the scent of salt. She had spent enough time waiting for war that she knew her way around this town. Near the edge of town was an open field, unused since the war. It was a nice place to just relax, since no one really went there. Maybe it looked ugly to seeing eyes.

Switching the used bowl for the now cooler one, she began to hear voices in the distance. That was completely new. No one came here, she was sure of it. Whatever. She downed the noodles in a heavy slurpy storm, then wiped her mouth with her sleeve. Both bowls and the cobblestone found a new home in a small roadside shrine, while Toph swaggered up in range of the voices.

"Are you sure about this? What if it explodes?" said one voice.

"We just need a spark to start it." Another replied.

Toph stepped hard, sending out micro tremors. Between her and the voices was a small crop of trees, whose roots she already avoided as she crept closer. Past them was an odd sensation: three massive hunks of shaped metal. She almost burst into fighting mode until she heard another voice.

"Yeah, these things may have been military, but these are decommissioned. Heck, they don't have any weapons."

What about those explosions, Toph thought. Huffing, she took a chance and just walked out in the open, now close enough to join a conversation. She let her last step be a literal stomp, sending out a tremor that showed her the six pairs of feet standing on bare earth, the rectangular metal hulks, the gullies and hills past the field, and the road leading away. At that the clustering voices gave a start, and one actually jumped up in surprise!

"LOOK OUT! It's a lion-bear!" he fell on his butt.

"Dude, look, it's got human feet… under all the hair."

Toph sighed and walked a bit closer. "You doofs finished? And what did you guys say about explosives and ex-military hard ware?"

A young guy with a headband bugged his eyes. "You're a girl?"

A kid with goggles and a red scarf laughed, slapping the metal. "Are you blind, gal?"

She parted her hair, pale and sightless eyes glaring toward his voice. "What do you think, jerk?" The lot of them felt shamed, the loudmouth obviously cut low. They stammered for a way to say sorry to the poor blind girl. A light went on in someone's head, and his sad mood went to fear.

"Whoa, let me guess…are you Toph Bei Fong?"

"That's right, smarty pants."

"Guys, we almost died just now! Look, I'm sorry …really sorry if we ticked you off. I didn't think that you'd actually be..."

"Relax. I'll kill you later if I feel like it." They were obviously scared and confused. She huffed and gave half a smirk. "Okay. You know who I am. Who's the guy with the big mouth? And you, scaredy pants?"

"I am not a scaredy pants!"

The one who recognized her and saw her feet spoke first. "I'm Yunji. Those two with the random attitudes are Kai and Wrecker. They're new guys to our group. The jerk with the big mouth is Chogo…"

"Hey!"

"…our resident tomboy, fire-bender, and quietness expert over there is Riki." Toph didn't see her wave, so she giggled.

A new voice popped up, one that rang smooth and confident. "I'm Sanzo." He didn't say much else, but then again, it seemed others were jumping to speak for him.

"Yeah, Sanzo! He and Chogo were the ones who finished the conversions. He drives our lead tank…"

Toph dropped her jaw. She lifted a single pebble into the air, and flicked it off her finger. It rang against the metal hull and sent metal-tremors all over. She felt a Mark 1 Tundra-Tank, the kind that the Fire-Nation mass produced at the end of the war, hoping to overcome the Earth Bender's numbers and power. Something odd had happened to the inside and there were pipes sticking out the rear, but it was still a freaking tank!

"You guys are Fire Nation?"

"I'm actually from the North Water Tribe" said Yunji. "And Wrecker was born in Ba Sing Se." At that point Chogo pushed his way forward and crossed his arms, his eyes closed in shame. "Riki and I were born in the Fire Nation Colonies, but the war was over before we were old enough to go fight. So don't judge us. Most of us had Earth Kingdom parents. My mom was the coolest person around, and she was from Omashu!"

Toph was still miffed at Chogo, but she was no longer going to start any fight here. She'd sure finish one, though. Her fine senses told her that she had just heard the truth. She turned her head to one side, hoping to hear another voice or two pop up. She let herself relax enough to focus on her senses. Someone was intentionally being quiet, so Toph just spoke up.

"Sanzo is a Fire Nation name. What's your story?" She could feel Sanzo hide his emotions. It sadly seemed that Chogo did most of his talking.

"Don't mess with him, Sanzo is one awesome dude. He did a stellar job in the Fire Nation Army, taking on all sorts of…"

"You were a Fire Nation soldier?" said Toph.

"Quiet, Chogo." said Sanzo.

"Dude, you just told Toph Bei Fong not to mess with someone." said Yunji.

Toph stood before Sanzo and did her best to look in his eyes. "Okay, this I gotta hear. Tell me the truth. If you don't I will know it." Sanjo took a long breath and clenched his jaw.

"Please, let's talk later, I promise I will. Right now, we're going to test drive the new drives on these tanks before it gets too late. You are welcome to watch, Lady Bei Fong." Toph scrunched up her nose at his manners. No one had called her that in ages!

"Hey, do ya wanna ride in one?" said Wrecker, forgetting his earlier goofiness. "It's tight, but we could do it!"

"We don't know if they are safe…" pined Kai.

"They'll be safe, as long as no one fire-bends inside the tank. So, no blast-a-bending for you two." Yunji's comment got the group seal of approval. Toph casually walked up to one of the tanks and ran her fingers over the sides of the tank. Oh, were they interesting on the inside!

"So, what's the big deal? I can't sense everything. That's not wine I smell…"

"No," said Chogo, "it's even better! That's 100% pure ALCOHOL! And the new drives we installed light that crap on FIRE! " He did a double fist pump once he jumped on top of his tank. "Hahahahhaaaa! The new tanks the Fire Nation have got a better engine, but move the same 'cause they're heavier! You put something like that in one of these old tin cans and WHOOOSH! These babies will haul!" Chogo let himself laugh like a madman. Toph had to smile.

"That stuff has to be expensive." she said.

"Not if you sneak into ….mmmph!" Riki was covering Wrecker's mouth. Toph made a mental note and carried on.

Yunji jumped onto his tank. "Yeah, and you don't need to be a bender to drive them, though it helps. After all, only Sanzo and Riki can bend, so they watch the engines and put out fires."

"Yeah, but I'm bad enough to try this without a safety!" Chogo bragged. "If I fail, I'll go out in a blaze of glory!"

Wait…" said Toph. "I can't fire bend, but I am the metal-bender. If anything happens, I can get you out of that tank fast."

"That's great!" said Wrecker.

"Sheesh." said Chogo.

"What if all your hair catches on fire?" asked Riki, looking sadly at Toph.

Toph…hadn't thought about that. The group stood crestfallen at the thought of losing Chogo and hurting the Tophmeister. Yet Sanzo just huffed, stood up and looked at the blind hero.

"Ride the tank like a beast. You are brave and strong, you'll handle it just fine." That actually got a smile out of her, and lots of good comments from the group. Chogo chimed right in. "Think about it. In the best case, you get to ride a hot-rod war machine like a sled! Worst case, you get to leap off a hurling ball of melting metal and fire!"

Toph was sold.

Yunji, Kai, and Chogo crawled into their tanks, while Riki and Sanzo bent a complex spark for Chogo's tank. Soon after, Riki and Sanzo jumped inside and shut their hatches. Wrecker passed the torch to Chogo, and then leaped clear. Toph called out to him. "Not coming?"

Wrecker shrugged. "We had four tanks…once."

Seconds later the two other tanks engines roared to life, spitting waves of heat from the rear pipes. Toph hadn't seen something that powerful as that small. She had remembered the tanks from the war as chunky clanking boxes. She smiled and tucked a foot under rails of metal as her own tanks' engine awoke with thunder. Nothing could be heard save the engines. She laughed out loud, surprised. The tank was sending tremors through the earth just sitting still. She could see underground and sense the tank's full being with perfect clarity, no real bending required.

The treads began to spin, throwing up a spray of dirt backward, the tremors growing in power as the engine ramped. Oh, was this good! She could now see huge stretches of the earth beneath her. She could feel the treads struggle to catch up as grievous amounts of torque pushed the beast forward, a wind pushing her hair back. The tank kicked up a chaos of dust, bolting to catch up with the others. She let her center of balance drop and widened her stance. Nothing on land had moved quite this fast before.

Toph kept waiting for something to blow open or at least smoke and grind to a stop. Nothing close. After a few minutes of driving along, the three tanks took a wide turn to the hills. As the tanks clattered over open ground, Toph was sure something was going to break. It wasn't until the tank began up rocky slopes that Toph's worries found their cause. The tanks tore up the slopes of the ragged hills like metal predators. However, it wasn't long until Sanzo's tank began puffing a thick stream of white smoke. Toph called out, but no one could hear her. The other tank pulled aside, Riki and Kai leaping out to lend a hand. Toph's mount just kept plowing on. Sure, the engine was heating up, but no faster than it had before.

She pried open the hatch and leaned in to yell down to Chogo. It was useless. Besides the massive rushing sound of clanking engine, Chogo was obviously hysterical with excitement. He was likely laughing wildly, his entire frame bent forward, gloved hands pushing forward the command levers with frenzied grip. Toph just gaped. She had no way to get this crazy jerk under her control.

'Why control him? There's plenty of tremors to guide my bending!'

Massive black mane streaming in the slipstream wind, Toph stepped back and struck a sweeping stance. Earth pulled at her command, her present frustrations amplifying her power. Rocks dove out of the way. Roughness evened out of the path ahead, and what once a struggle between traction and torque grew into an outright test of vertical power. She kept her remaining senses open and her mind focused. Chogo wasn't stopping anytime soon, so clearing the road had been a bad idea. Tremor-sense told her the tanks were now far behind them, and the summit of the hill was closer.

She began a stance that wove her arms in a pattern of attraction, lapping left over right. Earth began to stick inside the treads of the tank, to the sides of the road-wheels, to the bottom of the tank. If she threw up an earth wall to stop the tank at this speed, there'd be one epic accident. So Toph took the wise route, and soon, the tank had to fight twice its starting weight uphill.

The tank ground to an overheated stop just a few meters from the top of the hill, having smeared through a gauntlet of earth-bending and random objects. Despite the huge clods of mud and dirt, the metal beast had stubbornly plowed through half the attempts to stop it. Now it sulked there, on the verge of smoking, beneath the feet of an impressed earth-bending master. A scrapping and clanking noise from inside the tank, then the hatch screw turned open. A sweaty and deliriously insane Chogo burst from the hatch and postured on the bow of the tank, his hands gesturing everywhere.

"OhMyGod didja see THAT? Didja didja didja? It was like, WHOOSH! And I was like run, baby, run! And it was all 'GRRRRRR'! And then I went even faster! And then…." Toph had been standing just next to Chogo, perfectly casual, one hand on her hip. The other hand struck out with a quick and precise fist. It smashed into Chohgo's face with enough sudden force that Chogo could only go bleary eyed with a confused look on his face before falling unconscious off the side of the tank. Toph rolled her eyes.

Soon after, the others looked up from the steamed-out tank to see a huge chunk of earth being bent down the mountain like a freight elevator, a tank resting on top. Toph herself crowned the whole spectacle, as if surfing down hills was second nature to her. Chogo was still lying inert on the moving earth.

"What happened to him?"

"He got a little carried away, and passed out. I had to stop the tank."

"It's gonna take forever to get all that earth out of those gears…" Yunji said in despair.

Toph made a few quick motions and swept her hands apart. The earth bent itself off the tank and into random piles on the ground. All eyes were impressed.

"It's probably a good idea to get these beasts someplace hidden so we can make some repairs. If a patrol of soldiers or magistrates shows up, we could be done for." Yunji looked to Sanzo, and Sanzo looked to Toph. Sanzo shook his head "If they are coming, they'll search for us. Even if we take off before that, they'd follow the noise. Assuming she doesn't turn us in."

"I'm not going to do that!" said Toph. "Look, I can go take care of the law. If you guys need a good place to park, I felt a valley with a road out behind that hill over there. I can help move the tanks too."

"I knew you'd come through" said Yunji.

Four hours later, Toph stepped out of the Harbormaster Office of Harbor Town, mad as a hornet. No one locally had any clue about old military tanks on the loose, so they expected to catch a noise violation. They figured the noise could have come from an earth-bending rampage, so Toph was charged with disturbing the peace. Oh, she could have just made a mess of the entire place and walked off, but she still wanted to help Zuko. If she made enemies with the Earth Kingdom government, she'd be exiled. The official sentence said she had to behave herself until she shipped out on deployment. No aggressive earth bending. Yet now, that was the one thing Toph could do to ease her mind. Frustrations once again built up inside her.

She found a good spot on a patio overlooking the coast, hoping the gentle sea breeze would rustle her hair gently and soothe her nerves. It did, for a bit. Yet a pair of stomping boots swaggered up beside her, rubbing shoulder to shoulder.

"The way the wind tosses your hair…"

"Shut it, Zhan."

"It may not be obvious to you, but you're beautiful" he said, pressing closer. Toph did not want to get riled up, either for violence or for some dude. She huffed, and Zhan laughed a bit. "I don't have any hard feelings from earlier; I don't see why you have to." Toph wanted to bend the stone floor from underneath him, but the law had eyes on her.

"Zhan, I'm not in a good mood right now. Just leave."

"If I'm the problem, hit me, please. "

"That's not it…"

"Toph, I'm not here to egg you on. Can we talk?" She was getting riled, and she didn't know quite how yet. She backed off a step and tried to look up at him.

"I'm just having a mixed up day. I need some time alone, okay?" She was serious, but then again, so was Zhan. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms under her mane, around her shoulders.

"I can go, but I want to make up our issues…" Toph was taken back, mostly because she was running out of options. Oddly, she didn't feel like squirming. Zhan kept talking.

"We shouldn't be enemies…"

Toph had a split second of thought. Maybe spending some time with Zhan might actually relax her? She was no stranger to male company, though Zhan was by far a more hands-on type. After all, they only had to talk. By that time he had pulled close to her. Toph definitely felt like taking action. Common sense and self-control shot through her. Fine, she thought, but we need to leave. A patio off a hotel room is a horrible place to negotiate with Zhan. Yeah, she wasn't quite ready to share a night with him yet…

'Yet?' She realized where her train of thought had gone.

Fury rose like magma. She could feel the blood rushing to her face, and worse, her skin tingling. Toph brought her arms together under his, then stepped back and pushed wide, tossing his embrace aside. She hung her head and stepped back again in shame, breath rushing between bared teeth. Her thoughts had gone that far! Zhan looked at her with steady eyes. She could not see them, but the steady rhythm of his heart was a hard contrast to the flurry her heart had become.

"Listen, I'll meet you downstairs. We'll go get an outside table. Okay?"

"Fine," he said.

With that, Toph leaped from the patio to the ground below. She was not going to walk through the room with him. Not now. Heck, not ever. "Take your time" she called out.

Feet on the ground, she was free for a moment. Then again, sneaking in as much freedom as she could before sunset struck a good chord. Why meet up with Zhan? Book it. See how much space the wild child could put between her and the snare. She sidestepped into an alley, ran up the walls of a house, and crossed two roofs before she heard something that stopped her in her tracks…almost on the edge of the roof.

That voice. Aang was now in Harbor Town, and he just left the Harbormaster's Office.

She was still running from Zhan, yet Aang might be headed somewhere she'd still be caught. Toph leaped into a nice side street and then ran across a few crisscrossed alleys. She then turned to the main way and made like she was coming from the exact opposite direction.

The timing couldn't be more perfect. The Avatar fell back startled. "All that hair…wait! Toph?"

"You got it." Now things were looking up.

"Did Azula give you a few hair tips?" She cringed. Aang, you of all people.

"Get real, Aang. What are you doing in town?"

"Well, Zuko is about to get himself swamped. The rebels have pushed out the last of the Earth Kingdom resistance in their area, so they have time to prepare."

"That's why we're gonna hit from the sea. So, mind if we get out of the road?"

Another voice chimed in from a distance. "Hey Aang, we're back!" Toph would recognize Katara's voice anywhere. "Huh? Who is that hairy guy?" Two other pairs of feet were with Katara, but Toph had another worry. Meeting old friends was nice, but she was sure Zhan was looking for her.

Aang spoke up. "Toph's just hanging out…her hair wanted a vacation badly." He tried an awkward smile. By this time the feet had pattered close and Toph could sense them all clearly. For once, she was among old friends.

"Gimme a break, Katara" she said.

"Wow, you look cool like that!" Sokka always had a better way to deal with awkward stuff. "You're almost as shaggy as Appa!" She could feel herself grow sure in his presence.

"Hey Sokka, long time no see. Thanks for helping me out last year. I almost lost that one."

"No problem. Hey is something going on? You're worried." How did Sokka know that?

"Well…" Toph said.

"Sokka, we have company." Suki, Sokka's wife, had eyes like a hawk.

Zhan was no pushover, worse since both Aang and Sokka were friendly types not to shun a new face. He casually sauntered to the edge of the group and bowed. "My apologies. I see Toph has found her famous old friends. I'm Ty Zhan…I have an interest in her safety."

"How nice of you" said Aang. Toph frowned as Aang made all the introductions.

Zhan looked at Toph. "I though you wanted to get a nice table outside….and have a chat?" Toph looked nowhere in particular.

"I heard these guys were here and changed my mind. Sorry."

"You don't have to be rude, Toph."

"Actually, that sounds about normal for Toph" said Sokka. _Good ol' Sokka_, Toph thought. "You know, if you live here, she'll see you again soon. "

Aang piped up. "Why don't we all go grab something to eat? Zuko's not going to be in for another hour, and I'm sure we'll be done by then." Toph had something to say about that.

"I'm sure Mr. Snuggly-hands there wanted to speak with me alone, if you get it."

"Toph!" Zhan was not pleased. She was okay with that…

"So, that's why you were looking for her?" Sokka didn't miss much.

"We haven't been on the best of terms, so I wanted to give her a chance to talk."

"Sure…" said Toph.

"You guys didn't have something go bad?" Sokka was being cautious.

"If you mean I was something and he was going bad." Zhan bugged eyes when she said that.

"I've always been good to you."

"Good at being creepy."

"Toph…!"

"Zhan…"

Sokka Looked at Aang, who was bunching up his jaw and squinting his eyes in hard thought. The ladies were just soaking up the drama, but as the Avatar, Aang wanted to put an end to the argument. He stepped forward, holding out his hands.

"Both of you, please. It's obvious that Toph isn't that impressed, and you want to do some impressing. I say you guys should give everything a rest until you've known each other for a while."

Toph looked over. "Tell that to speedy here…"

Zhan looked at the ground, slightly miffed.

"We have to work something out, especially with the Chief office having something to say about you, Toph." Aang motioned like a true diplomat. Zhan looked surprised. Toph harrumphed. "Why not have a little contest, and the winner chooses how we all spend the evening?"

"Agreed!" boasted Sokka. "We have a dance off, 'til the first bitches drop!"

"Sokka!" said Aang.

"Wow, that could be cool" said Suki. "Yeah, I haven't seen either of you dance before." Katara chimed in. "Are you good?"

"This booty can get down" said Toph, giving a wink and a thumbs up.

"I'm...not really much of a dancer…" Ty Zhan was really a warrior at heart. Fun stuff came second.

"Someone can dance in your place!" said Sokka.

"You volunteering?" said Toph.

"Ah…err, no, I just said we could…y'know…" Sokka fell back. Both the girls looked at Zhan and shrugged. For a moment in time, Zhan felt doomed to lose. Then Aang sighed.

"I can dance for you" said Aang. For a second Toph was worried. "But we decide winnings together." Zhan nodded and looked over at Toph, who didn't even pay attention.

"I'm good with that" he said.

The pre-sunset sky cast a beautiful cascade of golds and salmon pink against a rich blue sky. In the common pavilion of harbor town, people gathered as lights went up in colored lanterns and the local musicians were tuning their drums. Toph stood on one side of the pavilion, her eyes dark, but feeling the pattering of feet everywhere. "Looks like we brought in the crowds." Aang stood as her opposite. "Yeah, it's not like we have competition for best thing happening tonight…" he took in the sights around him, including their cheering section, Katara and Suki happily taking lead there.

"We ready?" Sokka called out? Drummers called out their reply. Toph nodded. Aang put his fist up high in the air.

All eyes were watching.

When the fist dropped, drums pounded, and Aang left the ground. Twirling once in the air, he kicked out both legs, and brought them in fast for a landing. A flurry of arms and footwork, wavering like a snake charmed, then Aang struck a pose and shot out his pointing finger. Toph didn't miss the sign, though blind, in her gut she knew what was up.

Opening with what looked like an inferior jig, Toph switched up her gears and kicked out a different jam, feet moving and hips swaying like a master of the as-yet-uninvented disco, yet with a twist that brought the power. Twirling once, she stepped up, struck a pose, and as her light-fingered hand made superfly off her cheek, the other shot out in a defiant 'come get some'.

'Was this all she got?' thought Aang.

Aang made split second moves like a kung-fu pharaoh, his feet moving in defiance of physics in tune with his quicksilver hands. Stepping left, he turned his back and round-the-housed. Stepping right, he spun again, reached for the sky, then triple slide-steeped to the center.

Toph didn't wait for the signal. Bending as she mover her feet, the ground in the pavilion changed colors beneath her. She knew different kinds of earth looked different to seeing eyes. She just didn't know how. Sweep-kicking low, swirling high, Toph bent the earth in union with her body. Sounds from the audience said they were impressed. With a double trippin' bass step, she hit low stance and shot out the finger of 'NEXT?'

Aang wasted not a second. As each drum-beat pounded, Aang stepped twice and wrapped his hands twice, bending small iotas of lantern-fire to dance around him like will o' whisps. Crowned with fire, he went 'round-the-world, finishing with a double sweep foot move right out of breakdancing.

Toph had to top that, because the crowd was going wild. Whipping her massive mane and her slender body into a whirling tornado of motion, she put up her hands and bent her own bass into existence. The ground thumped beneath her as she swung and posed, each motion a gesture and a rhythm of its own. She kept her hair airborne, thrashing her head in graceful circles. In a final defiant move, she left the ground, spun twice, then hit the ground in a solid stance of booyah. Hips shaking, she egged on her rival, hair cascading down like snow over a river. A cheer rose; "More, more, more!"

Aang tried his best, arms and feet twirling into a classic breakdance. It's hard to top breakdancing, but if anyone could pull it off, it'd be an airbender. Could Toph top the maniacal flipping of the avatar?

Toph embodied the catduck. She liked her feet on solid ground, but here was a chance to be the storm in her own dark world. She didn't just breakdance back, she broke the breakdance. Only one limb down at any time. Half the time airborne. Her black hair streamed behind her, a waving water-dragon of fluid rapid motion. The drums pounded twice, and Toph swirled about lightning fast. Twice more and she had kicked off to flip in the air. Sweat streamed from her body as she forced her all into a dynamic display that was magic to the eyes. She jumped up, rolled up, and deployed from a crunched up spin, hair streaming to the side, into a low stance that kicked back, flipped twice, and shot up into the air. Her finger pointed defiantly as she spun around to face off. Top that!

Aang was in the middle of matching her performance when he realized he couldn't beat it. She had done everything an airbender could have done, out of sheer muscle and focus. Aang could try and push harder, but he'd risk falling…and the first to fall was out. Instead, he leapt back, shot down a few moves, then with a single back step, bowed to his opponent.

"You kicked my butt" He said.

"No last round?" she replied.

"I could, but I'd have to bend just to stay up." Zhan was about to facepalm himself.

The crowd cheered.

Toph turned to where Zhan was standing. "If you keep your hands to yourself, you can hang with me and the Avatar. Deal?" He looked sullen, but she smiled at him. No way he'd ever get past her defenses again, not after showing up the Avatar in front of him.

"Toph, you are a cruel winner!" he chuckled. Then Aang butted in.

"It's almost sundown. Let's go see if Zuko is back." Aang's smile was infectious.

The night had turned out different than anyone expected. Aang and Zuko met up, and decided to split off to talk military matters. During the dinner and hang out that followed Sokka and Zhan split off and got drunk, talking guy things and cracking a ton of odd jokes. The girls took the opportunity to slip off, spending the rest of the evening catching up, telling secrets, and generally just being girls.

Toph awoke in much more civilized bedding that she had yesterday. Katara had curled up in a ball, still sleeping. Suki had crashed on the couch, something Toph preferred to sharing a bed. Oh well, she wandered over to the bath and freshened up.

And when she stopped and sent out her senses, all seemed to be in place. Including her hair. In her joy Toph ran into Katara, who obviously wanted in next.

"Hey, how does my hair look?" Toph exclaimed. Katara was still waking up.

"Really? It looks like it always has."

"Awesome! That's great!"

"Can I… use the bath?" Katara grumbled.

Toph just smiled…and walked out to face her day.


	2. The Blooper Reel

…Because sometimes, things end up on the cutting room floor.

LOL!

(readers beware!)

* * *

Toph and Aang had just finished their dance-off. The party was winding down.

"So," said Toph, "who is this new bad guy we're gonna be fighting?"

Aang put up his hands in a defining, explaining gesture. "This new boss...He's a full-tilt diva. He wants flowers, he wants parades, he wants a monument built in the skies with his name plastered..."

Aang stopped for a second.

"Son of a bitch!"

Aang ran all the way to Republic City in half a second and skidded to a stop. He stood across the bay, where the giant statue of himself had just been defaced with a swag pair of giant, golden, backward-curving horns and the word "KNEEL" written across the chest in big gold letters.

Aang's jaw dropped.

A bad-ass figure in what was mostly a black trench coat marked with shiny green and golden bling stood up there upon the statues head, his black slick hair tousled in the wind. He looked down and stared across the vast gulf into Aang's eyes like a Norse God.

"I can be pretty menacing…"

Aang's jaw still hung loose.

"I can go there…"

Aang swallowed. The figure gestured.

"I am the prankster...I AM THE GOD OF_** MISCHEIF!**_" suddenly the figure changed voices, doing the Dr. Evil finger thing. "gwe-He-he-he-heee! I AM the bad guy! hehehehahaww!"

* * *

Toph and Suki reclined on the couch like best friends. Their eyes were both fixed on the same object in the distance, watching it with sweet, girly smiles and soft, attentive eyes.

Toph leaned in to Suki, her eyes still fixed in the distance.

"Y'know, Suki?

Suki leaned in, still watching the distance as well. "Yeah?"

"Sokka has the ka-YOOtest little ass!"

They giggled.

"I know!" said Suki. She leaned in closer to Toph.

"Y'know, Toph?"

Toph leaned in closer. "Yeah?"

"I ride that ass on a nightly basis."

Toph's eyes went wide…

Suki giggled, smiling.

Then Toph looked at Suki, her face rather like the 'Overly Attached Girlfriend' face…

"Did I ever tell you how my tremor sense works?..."

* * *

"No," said Chogo, "it's even better! That's 100% pure ALCOHOL! And the new drives we installed light that crap on FIRE! " He did a double fist pump once he jumped on top of his tank, and laughed out loud.

Toph put on a fake Hitler moustache and leaped on the tank beside him, finger pointed into the air. "Heil, mein herrs! Vith zee new Panzertanken, Vee shall have zee power to invade all of zee France. Zee world shall be ours! Seig Heil!"

"SEIG HEIL!" saluted all the others…

(Then the Helghast invaded the Earth Kingdom…)

* * *

Toph leaped out of bed. With a resounding thump two feet landed, one on the stone floor, the other on a "SQUEAK!"

The poor girl squirmed and whined. "Owww! Meanie! Jerk! I thought you loved me!"

Toph let her tremor-sense reach out. Three young teenage girls were passed out, half naked and hung over in the room she had rented for the night. She stood there, shocked…

"Please tell me we didn't...i didn't…"

Whether they were memories or bad mental images, Toph couldn't tell.

* * *

The Chief of Magistrates of Harbor Town looked at the report of damages, then looked Toph in the eyes. His arms were crossed, his face grim.

"You don't get it." Said Toph. "This is a really bad time of the month for me. Out of nowhere I want to scream and punch people. I have hot flashes and then I realize I can't firebend. I feel like eating ice-cream with pickles. I go to talk to people and then I end up screaming about some random bullshit, then I wake up alone and just lay there in bed crying my eyes out for an hour. Then I get more hot flashes, and I eat a ton of chocolate. Then I feel guilty about the extra pound I just gained. And then comes more hot flashes. Don't I need SOME kind of release?"

The Chief looked at Toph, stone cold. "Ever heard of Midol?"

* * *

Toph moaned softly and closed her eyes. Caressing her chest with both hands, she reached up, back, and slid her hands behind the pillow, gripping it tightly with delicate fingers. Her breathing became heavy and paced.

"I want you…please! Take me like you mean it!"

Her lips parted softly as she gasped and threw back her head. She panted in lusty expectation…

...

The she pointed both pointing fingers at the camera, and laughed, eyes wide.

"No sex today!"

And she kept laughing, as the readers with hard-ons realize Toph was never described as naked anyway…

Toph got up and began to dance:

"Trollololololololloloooooo... Trollololoolololooooo! Hahahahaa!"

* * *

(then the mods' ROFL-stomped the author's ass into the ground and perma-ban-hammered the dick for even thinking about writing that...LOL!)

* * *

Pretty Coo', eh?

**_Note: this was actually not my idea: TAL21 thought it'd be the coolest thing to do a gag reel in the end of her stories...it just so happened I had a one-shot that maybe deserved a little more attention. So, sorry grrl, I got to the punch first. At least I give you props and credit…_**

**_maybe we'll see more gag reels in comedy stories?_**

**_Oh, and give TAL's "Silver Hearts" story a shot, it's got the world's best intro…_**

**(blatant advertising)**

**C-ya!**


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